As November rolls in and the festive season approaches, foster families may experience a mix of excitement, anticipation, and anxiety. For foster carers, this time of year can be both joyful and challenging as they navigate the unique needs of the children in their care. Many children in foster care have experienced difficult or disrupted family situations, and the holidays can bring up a range of emotions.
Here are some practical tips to help foster carers prepare for the festive season, handle emotions around family traditions, and create new memories with the children they care for.
1. Acknowledge and Respect Their Past Traditions
For many children in foster care, the festive season may be a time of emotional conflict. They might miss their birth families or have memories tied to past holiday traditions. As a foster carer, it’s important to create space for them to talk about these feelings. Encourage them to share any traditions they had before coming into care and find ways to incorporate those into your family's holiday plans where appropriate.
Being mindful of their past experiences can help them feel more included and understood during this potentially difficult time.
2. Create New Traditions Together
While it’s important to honour their past, fostering new traditions can help children feel more at home in your care. Whether it’s decorating the house, baking festive treats, or planning an activity like going to see the local Christmas lights, creating new traditions gives children something to look forward to. Involving them in the decision-making process can make them feel empowered and valued.
Building these new memories can also foster a sense of belonging, helping children to associate the festive season with positive and joyful experiences.
3. Prepare for Emotional Ups and Downs
The festive season can stir up a lot of emotions for children in foster care. It’s common for them to feel a mix of excitement, sadness, anxiety, or even anger. Be prepared for emotional outbursts or moments of withdrawal, and try to remain patient and understanding.
Reassure them that it’s okay to have mixed feelings and offer a safe space for them to express themselves. Sometimes, a calm evening at home with a familiar routine can be more comforting than the hustle and bustle of seasonal activities.
4. Keep Expectations Realistic
It’s easy to get caught up in the idealised image of the perfect family Christmas, but this can put unnecessary pressure on foster families. Remember that every family is different, and what matters most is creating an environment where the children feel safe and supported.
Don’t stress about having everything just right. Instead, focus on making the holidays a time where the children feel cared for and included, no matter how simple or elaborate your plans are.
5. Get Involved with Local Foster Care Events
Many foster care organisations and support groups host festive events for foster families. Attending these can be a great way for children to meet others in similar situations and for you to connect with other foster carers who may be going through similar experiences.
These events can help foster children feel part of a wider community and can also offer foster carers additional support and advice during a sometimes challenging period.
6. Prepare for Contact with Birth Families
For some children, the holiday season may involve contact with their birth families, either in person or through phone calls, letters, or gifts. This can be a complex and emotional experience, so it’s important to prepare for how to handle this.
Work closely with your supervising social worker to ensure contact arrangements are in the best interest of the child. Be supportive and help the child manage any conflicting emotions they may have before, during, and after contact with their birth family.
7. Maintain Routine and Structure
While the festive season is often associated with change and celebration, children in foster care can benefit greatly from maintaining routine and structure. The consistency of daily routines such as bedtimes, mealtimes, and regular activities provides a sense of stability during a time that can feel chaotic.
Of course, allow some flexibility for festive activities, but try to keep certain key routines in place to help the child feel secure.
8. Focus on the Meaning of the Season, Not Just the Gifts
The festive season can often become focused on material aspects like gifts, but for foster children, the most valuable thing you can give is your time, attention, and care. Instead of making it all about presents, focus on experiences like shared meals, watching festive films together, or engaging in activities they enjoy.
This can also take the pressure off both you and the child, especially if they’ve previously had difficult experiences related to holiday expectations or gift-giving.
The festive season can be a time of healing, joy, and togetherness for foster families, but it’s important to approach it with sensitivity and understanding. By acknowledging the child’s past, creating new memories, and focusing on providing a supportive and stable environment, foster carers can help make the holiday season a positive experience for the children in their care.
As you prepare for November and the months ahead, remember that the love, support, and security you provide are the greatest gifts you can give.
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